Yo, Vaginas! Gee, Whiz-While-Standing-UP!

What is this, mai peoples? Oh, yes, that would be “the world’s first ultralight, antibacterial, and hydrophobic urine director for women, and at 0.5 oz, an enlightening — and empowering — way to pee in the woods.” Okay, don’t get so excited, Freudians — not everything about peeing-while-standing-up has to do with women wishing they ALL HAD A PENIS! But this IS a convenient lil option, isn’t it?

Peeing while standing up.

No more squatting, no more worries about urine dribbling down your legs — or if you’ll make a urine-soaked mess while trying to drive and pee in a 7-11 Big Gulp in the middle of bumper-to-bumper traffic. Or if you’re peeing on a hill, to be careful not to get it on your shoes. Plus there’s that factor of having your ass AND vag exposed to ze world if there aren’t enough bushes and you don’t have the convenience of wearing a long arse skirt. Peeing on the side of the road in jeans is not this bobblebot’s most fLavorite activity to partake in on that road trip to NorCal.

Now, lookee here:

The Whiz Freedom preserves dignity and liberty whatever the circumstances.

Aside from allowing women to wee in a standing position, sitting down or lying down, the Whiz Freedom can be used in confined spaces such as in a car, a kayak, a small airplane or glider (you’re up there for many hours), in a tent, a sleeping back, while chained to the stove, or while caving.

DIGNITy. LiBertY. FREEDOM! And we’re not talking about the latest ruling on ze status of marriage in Cali, Cali.

Dudes, this is seriously exciting. Standing up? Sitting? Lying down? Gee, whiz, this is friggin a-MA-zing!

At this point, ze bobbLebot is unsure as to whether this qualifies as a news item or an infomercial, but at this point ze bobbLebot does not care. THIS IS SO FRAKKING COOL!

Here’s another description from Backpacking Light:

The Whiz freedom is antibacterial, hydrophobic and highly portable. Cleverly made, it will fold up when put in your pocket and spring back into shape when you need it. Because it is hydrophobic, it can be flicked dry (no need to rinse it each time), and the antibacterial properties of the material from which it is made allow the device to be used over and over with no degradation in its hygienic properties.

The Freedom is a soft, gentle, and ingenious device, and it allows women of all ages to wee in standing up, sitting down or lying positions without undressing. The Freedom means no more waiting, squatting, or hiding. Called a urine guide (also referred to as urine disposer or portable loo) its carefully (and cleverly) designed, highly flexible lily shape fits the outer curves of the human body comfortably and is externally held against the groin. Once you start, nature and gravity do the rest. Urine is directed away from the body, so there are no flowbacks, splashes or spills – you don’t even have to remove outer or under clothing. CE marked, FDA approved, and medically approved…it gives women the choice to wee wherever and whenever they choose.

😀 And look, neoLibs! It’s, like, soooooooo totally pro-Choice! :D

Due to the highly personal nature of this product, we cannot accept returns.

Yyyyyyeah… cuz that would be kinda nasty. Also nasty is the $30 price tag, which automatically would qualify it for the stuff-white-people-like section at your local Target. Dude, and you KNOW it cost them 30 cents per whizzer.

ANYWHO, here’s a highly interesting commercial on ze Whiz Freedom — though, I’ve got to say, it’s about as problematic interesting as those Axe Body Spray commercials.