Let’s Get Some DRANKs. No, For Reals. Buh…It Comes in Grape Flavor. Buh…

RED BULL HAS FOUND ITS ARCH NEMESIS. And it tastes better, too. Unless you’re not a fan of Dimetapp Elixer.

Dubbed in the blogosphere as the “Lean In A Can” (someone’s been keeping an eye on Dave Chappelle), this anti-energy drink comes in one flavor only: grape. Because grape + drink = drank. The “purple stuff” of Sunny D commercials.

A product description is as follows: We Have Combined Rose Hips, Melatonin And Valerian Root With A Great Tasting Beverage To Create The Industry’s First “Relaxed Lifestyle Beverage” These Ingredients Have The Ability To Relax Your Body, Mind, And Soul, So When Life Comes At You Fast, Just Remember To “Slow Your Roll” With DRANK.

And so can YOU for $5 a can! (Ouch! Even Red Bull’s not that harsh on the wallet. And it comes in sugar-free, too.)

For more info, here’s the Village Voice article:

Adventures in Press Releases: The Anti-Energy Drink

There are plenty of strange products out there, and they all need a publicist. This morning, I got in to the office and was greeted by a message from a sleepy- sounding woman calling about Drank “the anti-energy drink we’re calling the extreme relaxation beverage.”

Isn’t that already covered by a little thing called wine? No? This was too good to pass up, so I gave a call back.

Turns out, this is a carbonated, grape-flavored beverage spiked with melatonin, valerian root and rose hips. Apparently it is “very, very popular in Houston,” and it’s sold throughout the south in liquor and convenience stores.

So, does it make you sleepy? I asked the publicist. Yes, and she hears it’s good with vodka. Oh, something that makes it more likely I’ll fall asleep while drinking? Excellent.

What, you might wonder, was the creator thinking? I’m glad you asked. He was thinking of the hip hop community. Direct from the press release:

From design to production, every aspect of this calming drink was inspired by today’s popular hip hop artists who embrace the much sought-after hip hop lifestyle that encourages people to capture a stress-free state of mind.The drink’s tagline is “slow your roll.” So if that’s something you need to do, keep your eye out. Drank will be hitting stores in New York soon.

This is like death in a can for the grad student. DEATH. And it comes in purple.

BobbLeBot would recommend it, however, for the jet-lagged, or to use as a mixer for those angry or emotionally-charged drunks. THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE!!!

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